Anime Maru: 追番这件小事
Anime Maru is a regularly-updating online publication that is dedicated to bringing you up-to-date news and commentary about the anime industry.
Selected ones (Edited)
04/08/17: Local Theater Caught Showing ‘Kokoro Connect’ Instead of ‘Your Name’
A locally-owned theater has been forced to apologize after duping patrons eager to see Makoto Shinkai’s award-winning film Your Name and instead screening the first five episodes of the 2012 anime Kokoro Connect. The theater has been having showings for the last six weekends, but their charade was finally unmasked by an eagle-eyed movie-goer who previously saw Your Name in another state.
“We really wanted to attract people to our theater, but we couldn’t afford Funimation’s screening fees so we figured we’d just show another anime about body swapping and no one would notice,” theater owner Jason Owens told Anime Maru. “And we would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids.”
According to reports, moviegoers regularly walked out of the theater praising Makoto Shinkai’s beautiful animation and deep narrative – oblivious to the fact they just watched Kokoro Connect, a TV anime directed by Shin Oonuma.
记者采访走出影院的观众们发现，大多数人都对新海 诚电影的精致画面和动人情节赞不绝口–完全没注意到，他们刚刚观看的是由大沼 心导演的另一部作品。
“In hindsight, I probably should have realized something was up,” said James Livery, one of the hundreds of people defrauded by Owens. “I thought the ‘movie’ was fine – way better than Hoshi wo Ou Kodomo – but nowhere near deserving of its hype; I didn’t want to say anything because everyone I went with was gushing over how great the sky and the clouds looked and I didn’t want to look stupid and disagree.”
Even on the internet, posts praising Kokoro Connect character Himeko Inaba as the “best girl in Your Name” went unchallenged as most people have not actually had the chance to watch Your Name and were in fact bluffing.
04/25/17:‘Eromanga Sensei’ Author no Longer on Speaking Terms with Sister
Tsukasa Fushimi, author of the popular works such as Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai and the currently airing anime Eromanga Sensei, expressed his grief in a recent press event about being unable to speak to his sister for the past month.
“I’m not talking to that creep until he quits writing these messed up novels,” Fushimi’s sister told Anime Maru. “My brother has always been kind of… off and I’ve tried to tolerate it as best as I can until now. During the whole Oreimo thing he kept insisting that fiction and reality were separate and that it didn’t at all reflect any of the his views. In hindsight I probably should have just started avoiding him back then, but now with this Eromanga Sensei anime he’s really gone too far.”
“My sister is just being tsundere,” Tsukasa Fushimi stated when questioned by our correspondent. “Any similarities are simply a coincidence. For my stories I am just trying to convey the strongest bonds and purest relationships to my readers. To say this is just a projection of some sort of hidden fantasy or something is ridiculous.”
“Let me guess, he made them unrelated by blood or something like that right? The parents are probably inexplicably gone for some reason too.” Fushimi’s sister later added. “Take a look at all his shows focusing on sibling relationships! I can see what that weirdo is trying to do. And the little sister draws lewd light novel covers for a living? Give me a break. He’s not even trying to be subtle anymore just look at the damn title!”
Tsukasa Fushimi later announced his next project, My Little Sister Can’t Be This Stubborn But She’ll Come Around to it Eventually, or GankoImo for short. The story will feature a light novel author who hasn’t been able to talk to his little sister in over half a year due to family disagreements. The protagonist has to win back his sister’s trust so that the two can promote little sister themed light novels across Japan.
04/02/17: Deep Analysis: The Complex Characters of ‘One Room’
The newly aired anime series One Room was met with muddled reception this season; viewers have described the first person perspective as unnerving and creepy rather than the immersive experience the show intended to provide. However, a representative from Typhoon Graphics stated that they were disappointed by audience reception of their work for not being able to understand the deeper meaning of the show.
“I don’t get how so many people think that One Room just some kind of creepy fetish animation,” Sakuma, the director of One Room, told Anime Maru. “We wanted to make something truly revolutionary, something that really digs deep into the human psyche, but not one person seems to get it. I guess everyone is too used to watching ecchi garbage; they can’t put in the effort to think. Maybe the world just wasn’t ready for something like this.”
“我不明白为什么这么多人认为《One Room》应该被划归到萌豚番的类别”，总制片人佐久间 贵史这样告诉记者，“我们的本意是一部划时代的，真正叩问人类灵魂的大作，但大家却没能理解。现在的观众早被汹涌的废萌作品惯坏了，连稍微动点脑筋思考都不愿意。可惜啊，我们的思想对这个时代还太早了吧。”
One Room is a series of shorts that explore the lives three young girls attempting to deal with their own emotional trauma. Each girl imagines that they have a male companion as a comfort mechanism for their internal physiological struggle. The viewer takes on the perspective of this imaginary projection as the show displays a window into the tragic lives of each of the three characters.
The first girl, Yui Hanasaka, is high school student whose dedication to her studies leads her to a life lacking variety and personal connections. While her grades begin to improve, the lack of other outlets in her life creates a feeling of emptiness. Yui’s anxieties are ignored by her family whose only concern is her performance in the upcoming entrance examinations. Feeling stuck in her situation and isolated, she imagines that a kind neighbor lives next door who is able to keep her company during her normally lonely study sessions. She yearns for a romantic encounter as her academics and the approaching working world begins to erode her hope for a fulfilling future.
Natsuki Momohara is a young girl struggling to deal with the recent death of her older brother. Against the wishes of her parents, she takes one last trip to Tokyo to visit the apartment of her deceased brother before it can be sold off. The apartment has only one week before it is cleared out and the last physical memories of her brother are lost forever. Discovering the state of the apartment when she arrives, she begins to think of how her brother might have been able to take better care of himself had she only been able to visit earlier. Regretting having never said a last goodbye, Natsuki spends several days recreating in her mind the one last visit with her brother that she never had.
Aoshima is a graduate struggling to start her career in music. As her childhood dreams of being a musician seem to get further and further away, she yearns for the days when life was simpler. As her dedication to music fails to pay off, her relationships with others subsequently end up being neglected. Losing touch with many of her previous friends, she imagines that she has one childhood friend left who still supports her in her endeavors. However, as she struggles to find any relative success, the harshness of reality causes her to rely more and more on her imaginary interactions. Her story unfolds as she begins to question whether to give up on her dreams or continue to pursue a path with no degree of certainty.
04/10/17: Man Scammed Out of Thousands of Dollars in Fraudulent Anime Scheme
A 34-year-old local resident, James Teager, has been buying DVD’s and Blu-Ray disks for over decade, building up a collection of over 500 series. The accumulation of his life’s work, however, has not paid off. This week, he was shocked to discover that the anime DVD collection he has been amassing over the past several years was largely fake. According to Teager, at least half do not contain discs at all – he has found blank discs, change, and pieces of cardboard, inside the packaging where anime movies and TV shows should be.
“To be honest, it was just dumb luck I stumbled across it,” Teager said. “Last week my hard drive died and the internet was down. Then, I was planning on watching anime on my phone, but my hands got tired and I dropped it in the toilet.”
With all other sources of entertainment out of commission, he resorted to his vast physical media collection – things didn’t go as planned. Teager discovered the hoax when he opened a copy of Shakugan no Shana that he bought nearly five years ago. Instead of the heartwarming tale of a bipolar ginger and her eunuch manservant, he found dozens of strips of cardboard. Shocked, he immediately opened the second season, only to find shreds of copper wire that fell to his feet.
“I was devastated…box after box, just full of junk, look at this Amagi Brilliant Park Special Edition Blu Ray. When I got it, I gave it a shake to make sure there was something in there, then I just put it in on my shelf. To think I paid over a hundred dollars for this, and it’s just full of rusty nails and crumpled newspaper!”
Experts suggest that this scam has been going on for years and has largely gone unnoticed by the community. Research suggests that 99% of anime home media go unopened, and are typically relegated to the bookshelf to collect dust and accrue non-existent collectors’ value.
Teager’s collection was all authentic and officially licensed merchandise. When reached for comment, industry spokespeople were evasive.“Wait, somebody actually tried to use a Blu-Ray player to watch anime?” Aniplex customer service liason Christine Normal told reporters. “Does he have a Chromecast? Did he lose his external hard drive? Was Crunchyroll down? Hell, does he know what Nyaa and BakaBT are?Jesus Christ it was going so well until a fucking caveman apparently bought a disk from us.”
04/30/17: Local Anime Fan Too Afraid To Watch Anime
To many, anime presents a casual escape from their mundane daily lives and an opportunity to forget about the world and enjoy pantyshots and sexualized servals. But to Christian Green, a local 24-year-old graduate student, it is quite the opposite.
“To me, starting a new series or season is a really big deal”, Green tells Anime Maru. “Anime is a time-consuming hobby, so I want to make sure that I’m investing my free hours wisely. If I waste precious hours on a binge and feel nothing but regret afterwards, I think about the homework that I haven’t touched and feel like killing myself.” Green shows us his Crunchyroll queue. It is filled with over a hundred titles, with a majority still stuck at the first episode. He then explains how he judges a show as watch-worthy.
“One of the first things I look at is hype. If a show is unusually popular, then it must be liked by a lot of people, which is a big no-no since other people have absolute garbage taste. I had to learn that lesson again with Re:Zero, and was relieved I didn’t repeat that mistake with Yaoi on Ice – …did I say something wrong?”
“Visual quality is another big point to address. Obviously, if everyone tried as hard as Kyoto Animation this wouldn’t be an issue. I don’t care if so-and-so anime is supposed to be ‘good’. If it looks like shit then I refuse to defile my eyes with it”, continues Green while pointing to shows like Konosuba and RWBY.
“Lastly, I’m just really hard to please. I’m always looking for shows that are respectably unique. I’m tired of all the cringey ecchi, infuriating harems, edgy seinen, retarded moeblobs, and the done-to-death ‘hero is stuck in alternate universe’ bullshit. I’m talking Monogatari levels of unique, even though that show had me asleep most of the time.”
Green insists, however, that he is not elitist.
Despite his efforts to find a suitable anime to watch, at the end of the day, Green realizes that he has wasted his time again and decides to play some Steam games instead.
(Read more @ http://www.animemaru.com/
特别感谢kevo @ Anime Maru的翻译与转载许可。
Ok, for liability reasons, I have to come clean. Anime Maru is a satirical publication. Nothing on this site should be interpreted as factual nor as a claim to fact. Content is not reflective of opinions held by the staff of Anime Maru. Content is not intended for readers under the age of 18. In conclusion, Anime Maru is fake anime news. If any of this is a surprise to you, I recommend speaking to your mother. She has something to tell you about the tooth fairy.
好吧，我老实交代，Anime Maru是个讽刺新闻网站。站上所有的新闻都不该被看作事实，也不该被视作网站成员的观点，网站的使用者最好已经成年。你没看错，Anime Maru编造动画新闻。读到这儿，如果觉得震惊不已，我建议你去找妈妈聊聊，她挺乐意给你讲讲小牙仙的故事。
Anime Maru Staff (III)
彩蛋：Anime Maru成员 (三)
cultureshock was once a promising young lad, but with his discovery of anime, he was transformed into a degenerate pervert with no hope for the future. As a three-time gold medalist in the International Hikikomori Olympics, he only leaves his six-tatami apartment once a week to buy beer and ramen at the corner store. Disqualified from being human, his only remaining goal in life is to sacrifice himself beneath the wheels of the moe juggernaut that shall dominate all of mankind, thus ensuring that he will spend the rest of eternity in the world of 2D at the feet of his waifu.
Part time hikikomori and masochistic cave dweller. She likes the three minutes you have to wait after you pour water in a ramen cup and hates cute anime mascot creatures. What she has is not a dream, because it is already a reality: people die when they are killed. Twitter: @Dango_Ramen.
Dangan Ronpa V3 – 弹丸论破V3 (完成)
Little Witch Academia – 小魔女学园 (追番中 …)
We Married as a Job! – 逃避可耻但有用 (补剧中 …)
As the Moon, so Beautiful – 月色真美 (计划)
Adachi to Shimamura volume VII – 安达与岛村 第七卷 (计划)
A Silent Voice – 声之形 (计划)
ぼくは明日、昨日のきみとデートする – 明日的我，与昨日的你约会 (计划)
Sound! Euphonium season II – 吹响！上低音号 第二季 (计划)
The Eccentric Family season II – 有顶天家族 第二季 (计划)
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one room那真的嚇到我了(╯°Д°)╯︵┴┴2017年6月8日 22:48