6Mar

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)

时间: 2017-3-6 分类: 奇葩事迹 作者: Enterprise

TAGS: , ,

语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾

引用元:https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xd222/i_date_online_i_went_to_a_girls_house_for_the/


 

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)

 

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)

 

[–]Hairnester

So I met this guy at a party for a friend of a friend. I’m pretty shy so I ended up kind of hanging out in a corner by myself and met a guy who was also a friend of a friend of the host. He was pretty cute and funny so we spent most of the night talking and the subsequent few days texting and calling each other on and off. Finally, he invited me out on a date to go horse back riding.

我在一个我朋友的朋友的聚会上遇到了这个人。我很害羞,所以我差不多就是自己一个人躲在角落里。之后遇到了一个和我处境类似的人。他很可爱而且有趣,就这样我们那晚我们几乎都在聊天,而且之后也有发短信,打电话。最后,他邀请我去骑马。

 

Cool, I love horses. I’m down.

真棒,我喜欢骑马,我同意了

 

We live in a bigger city so we have to drive for about 1.5 hour to get to the place where he boards his horses. On the way there we chat and generally bullshit until we’re about 15 minutes away, then he gets really quiet. I take this as him getting tired of driving and just enjoy the music and scenery.

我们所在的城市比较大,要开一个半小时的车才能到马场。一路上我们都在闲扯。在差不多还有十五分钟的路程时,他变得很安静。我当时觉得他是开车开累了,所以我就干脆听音乐,赏风景。

 

We get to the place and he literally hops out of the truck before he even puts it in park and RUNS towards the stable calling his horse’s name. I put the car in park thinking that it’s been forever since he’s seen her and he really loves his horse. I follow him to where he goes and he’s in the stable feeding her carrots and lovingly stroking her nose. He gives me a carrot and shows me how hold my hand to feed her and instructs me to give her a carrot. The horse eyeballs me, turns her head and walks away.

我们到了那个地方,他在把车停下就直接跳下车,跑向马棚,呼唤他马的名字。我把车停下来想他真的很爱自己的马。我跟着他去了马棚,看到他正在用胡萝卜喂马,爱意满满地轻抚她的鼻子。马看了看我,掉头走了

 

Whatever. Whorse.

随便,贱马 whores的发音和马相同,而且是婊子的意思

 

He loans me a horse to ride and we go on a mini ride and picnic. Any time he got close enough to touch me or hold my hand his horse would “mysteriously” veer away from me. After we’re done we pile into the truck and make the drive home.

他给我借了一匹马,我们打算骑一会然后野餐。每次当我们骑得近到他可以碰到我,牵我手的时候,她的马都会十分诡异的离远。

 

About a mile and a half from my exit, he asked me what I thought of his horse. I said she was cool and I thought she was beautiful. Then he dropped a bomb on me.

大概还有一英里,他问我我是怎么看他的马的。我说她很棒,而且很漂亮。然后他就搞了个大新闻。

 

He said he was having sex with his horse. And that they were “in love”. The only reason he was dating was because he knew he was going to die before her. He told me that if we were to date that I was not to make him choose because he would ALWAYS choose her first and that she was his priority. In other words, I would be second fiddle to a horse.

他说他和他的马做过爱做的事了。而且他们正在恋爱。他说他和我约会是因为他会比马要走的更早。如果我们交往的话他永远会把那匹马放在第一位,而我永远会排在一匹马的后面。

据说马的那里很烫

 

[–]hypnoderp

In Soviet Russia, whorse rides you!

在俄国,是马上你

[–][deleted]

I’m not sure why you’re more upset that he liked his horse more than you, and not as upset that HE WAS FUCKING HIS HORSE

我很好奇为什么你纠结于他喜欢你胜过马而不是他上了马。

 

[–]Hairnester

Oh no I was thoroughly disgusted by the fact, but people fuck horses all the time. But to fuck your horse, then date and tell the person that the horse comes first…what the -actual- fuck.

>不,我的确觉得这很恶心,但人们一直都这么做。但上了马,和别人约会的时候说马是排第一的,这真的…艹。

 

[–][deleted]

people fuck horses all the time

ಠ_ಠ

>>人们一直都这么做 ಠ_ಠ

 

[–]Hairnester

I know, it hurts my brain to think about too.

>>>我懂,这的确很难理解。

 


[–]beyerch

We went out to a nice restaurant that she liked. (2nd date) We had a nice dinner and everything was good. Check came, I paid with my debit card. It was declined. (apparently, there was an issue with my direct deposit and a fair amount of money didn’t get into my bank which had no noticed)

我们去了家她喜欢的餐厅。在第二次约会的时候,我们出去吃晚饭,一切顺利。账单来了,打算用借记卡付款。没有成功(明显是因为我的存款出现了问题,然后我没有注意到我的钱没有到账。)

 

Ok, here’s my credit card that I carry just in case. Where’s my credit card?(I had just went on a trip and cleaned out my wallet, credit card sitting on desk at home)

好吧,以防万一,我带了信用卡。我信用卡哪去了(我刚刚出去旅行了,钱包清空了,信用卡就放在家里桌子上)

 

Checkbook? That’s at home too.

支票薄?也在家里

 

Cash? Who the hell carries cash?

现金?现在谁还会带现金

 

After sheepishly explaining the situation and promising to pay her back ASAP, she paid.

在仓皇解释情况之后,答应她会尽快还给她的。她付了。

 

Walked out to the car and found ….. no car. After calling around, discovered the car was towed!?!?! (Towing company was overly aggressive and towed my car when they shouldn’t have)

出来后发现……车不见了。打了一堆电话后发现,车被拖了!?!?(拖车公司很不讲理,会把不该拖的车也给拖了)

 

Took a cab to the towing yard. No money, she had to pay for cab.

打的去的拖车场,没钱,她又付了钱

 

Got into argument with ignorant tow truck guys who refused to release my car even though it was parked properly and we had restaurant receipts to prove it, etc. $125. She had to pay.

和不把我的车还回来的蠢蛋员工吵了一架,就算车停的地方没有问题,而且还有餐厅收据来证明。125美刀,她付了。

 

Worst date ever for me…..

对我来说这真是最糟的约会了。

 

She was a trooper and we’re married now, lol

I always now carry 3 ways to pay, that just isn’t happening again.

We ended up buying a house in the town where the tow truck company is

The tow truck company mysteriously burned down one night.

她是个很固执的人,我们现在结婚了。233

我现在一直都会带到三个支付方式。避免这类情况再次发生。

我们最后在和这个拖车公司同城的地方买了房。

有晚这家拖车公司非常奇怪的烧掉了。

 

I had NOTHING to do with that, but I could definitely see someone torching that place, though my theory is they burned it down for insurance money…

我什么都没做,但我绝对看到谁把那里点了,我觉得他们烧了它是为了保险金……

 

Cab drove us right by the house we ended up buying when we moved into that town (though we didn’t know it at the time)A couple weeks after my car got towed, the mall/building got rid of the towing company and opened the whole thing up due to all of the ‘false towings’ happening.

那时的士刚好开到了我们买的房子那里(虽然我那时并没有注意到)。在我车被拖几个星期后,因为那些错误操作,大楼就让拖车公司搬走了,自己另开了一家。

 

[–][deleted]

I don’t know how to tell you this, but your wife is an arsonist.

我不知道该怎么跟你说,你老婆是个纵火犯。

 

[–]Chizomsk

“honey, did you hear about that tow truck being found dead?”

“no, can’t say I did, sweetie. Look, I made your favourite!” hides bloodied wrench with serviette

[亲爱的,你知道那个拖车员工死了吗?]

[不,我不知道。亲爱的,快看,我做了你最喜欢吃的]

然后用纸巾藏起带血的扳手

 


I used to live 15 miles outside of town and got stuck in town when a blizzard hit. I decided I’d weather the weather in my favorite dive bar, get my drink on and maybe pass out in the basement. I walk in, the place is nearly deserted, just 2 friends of mine, the bartender and a girl that I had known for about 10 years who had a reputation as a one wild filly.

我曾经住在离城外15英里的地方,而且我遇到暴风雪。我觉得就在我最喜欢的酒吧里躲过这个糟糕的天气。喝点酒,然后在地下室昏睡过去。我走了进去,整个地方看起来就像是荒废了似得。只有我的两个朋友,一个酒保和一个我认识了十年的女孩,她的浪荡十分有名。

 

The bartender and my friends were at the far end of the bar, and I had to walk past the girl , and as I start to she spins around on her bar stool and pulls her skirt up over her thighs to reveal a lack of underwear. “Look at my pussy,” she says, to which I replied by quickly averting my gaze to my friends and the bartender, who were suppressing laughter.

酒保和我的朋友在吧台的尽头,会经过那个女孩的位置,就在我往那里走的时候,她转了过来,把裙子掀了起来,里面是真空的。“看看我的〇〇。”我立刻把头转到一边,看着那些在憋笑的朋友和酒保。(毕竟是冬天,真空然后只穿条裙子还是比较冷的,个人觉得这里妹子应该穿了裤袜,自摸的时候里面有没有剪开我就不清楚了,大概就是长得就是下面这样)

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)

 

She grabbed my arm, shook me and growled “NO. I WANT YOU TO WATCH.” and began furiously masturbating with the other hand. I wrenched myself away from her grip, chuckled a little, and said “you should put that thing away before someone gets hurt,” and walked over to sit with my friends. I took a seat, but she turned her stool to face us and kept fingering herself and growling lewd remarks at us, and we just tried to ignore her. She ended up throwing up on the payphone and passing out in the ladies room, so we put her in the safety position and went back to enjoying our blizzard.

她抓住我的手,摇着我大喊

[不,我想让你看着它]

然后开始用另一只手疯狂的自〇。我挣脱了出来,轻声笑着说

[在谁受伤之前赶紧把东西收起来]

然后走向我的朋友,坐了下来。但是她又转过来,不停用手指拨弄那个地方,发出些淫〇的词汇,我们尽量无视她。她最后在公用电话那里吐了,然后在女厕所晕了过去。我就这样把她放在安全的地方,然后继续回去品尝我们的暴雪了

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)

(在这里是指一种鸡尾酒,大概是这样)

 


[–]FruitOnBottom

I was young and dumb and bored. I had been talking to a guy online for a while and he mentioned he was doing homework. I offered to come over and help.

当我还图样图森破的时候,觉得无聊,就和人在网上聊天。他说他正在写作业,我就去他家帮他。

 

I go over. Things are going ok, we are doing homework and talking. I wasn’t attracted to him off the bat (very large guy) but I’m ok with that because personality changes things, I’m curious where things will go.

到了后,事情一开始还好,我们边做作业边聊天。我并没有立刻被他吸引(一个非常壮的人),但我觉得还好,毕竟性格可以改变很多东西,我很好奇事情会变成怎样。

 

He starts turning things more sexual after about 30 minutes. I try to slow down things. He starts talking more about sex. I say that I need to go because I have things to do.

在差不多30分钟后他就开始把话题变得很暧昧。我试着让速度慢下来。但他还是一直讨论更多关于那方面的事情。我借口有事打算先走。

 

He says ok but can I wait a few minutes and do I want something to drink? I say no thank you, he goes to get something and I notice he locks the door as he passes by. I stand up and grab my bag. He comes out of the kitchen and says “here drink this”. I pretend to take a sip and walk around the other side of the couch. At this point I realize he is purposely blocking the path to the door. He starts asking if he can go down on me.

他说可以,但是再等一会,问我要不要喝点什么。我说谢谢,不用了。他还是去把东西拿来,我注意到他顺手把门锁上了。我站起来拿着我的包,他从拿着饮料从厨房里出来。我假装抿了一口走到沙发的另一边。这个时候我发现他故意挡在了去门口的路上。他问他能不能吃他下面。

 

I realized I’m in a craptastic situation. I put my bag down on the couch and go into the kitchen, all the while he’s saying stuff he wants to do to me. As he is going around a side table I run aver and grab my bag, run for the door, unlock it and get in my car. When he sees I’m getting away and faster than him he starts screaming “I’ll let you sit on my face! I’ll let you sit on my face!”

我意识到我陷入了一个非常糟糕的境地。我把包放在沙发上,走向了厨房,这个时候他一直说他想和我做。就在他绕到桌子的另一边的时候我立刻转向跑去拿我的包,跑到门口,打开门锁,上车。当他看到我跑的比他快的时候他就开始大喊

[我一定会让你骑我脸的,一定会的!!!!]

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)

骑脸怎么输

 

I’m glad I got away. Sadly there has been no face sitting ever for me after that incident. About a year later I saw my 15 year old sister chatting with someone with a very similar screen name. I tell her a bit of the story to warn her off and then made a face screen name to chat her up (aol style) and freak her out with how much info she gave me… So hopefully I helped her not make the same mistakes I did.

我真高兴我跑掉了。这次事件之后也没有什么骑脸。大概一年之后,我15岁的妹妹有在和一个昵称很像那个人的人聊天。我和她提起了这件事,告诫她小心点。之后我创了一个小号来试探她,然后拿这些从她那里得到的信息来吓她….希望这个可以让她不会再犯同样的错误。

 


[–]sneezingunicorn

I was having coffee with a guy, when he leaned in, looked me in the eyes and nearly whispered “I thought about you when I masturbated yesterday.”

有次我和一个人出去喝咖啡,他靠向我,直视我的眼睛,用耳语般的声音说

[昨晚你是我的自〇对象]

 

[–]csreid

True story:

My first date with a girl, we were out having some drinks. She was maybe a bit tipsy, and she leaned over to say she wanted me. I told her to maybe wait till she was sober to say such a thing. She said she fingered herself to the thought of me last night, and she was sober then.

真实的故事

我第一次约会的时候,我和妹子出去喝了几杯。她可能有点醉了,她靠向我说她想要我。我说等她清醒一点在谈这件事。她说她昨晚拿我当的下酒菜,而那个时候她是清醒的。

Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四)


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Comments
已有 12 条评论 新浪微博
  1. 瞬间爆炸型理科少女

    我是因为贱贱才知道的暴雪鸡尾酒……

    3月30日 16:19来自移动端 回复
    • 瞬间爆炸型理科少女

      贱贱管那酒叫blowjob

      3月30日 18:03来自移动端 回复
  2. ( º﹃º )

    『給我記住!總有一天我會讓你騎我的臉的!!!』
    噗wwwwwww為什麼能把這麼遜的臺詞講的好像很厲害一樣wwwww

    3月20日 05:05来自移动端 回复
  3. z_fire

    ++马的汉子那一段的评论,he liked his horse more than you, 他喜欢他的马胜于喜欢你,翻译反了

    3月16日 14:44来自移动端 回复
  4. CupcakeWOW

    這篇真是是全程高能
    不過我的看點是第二篇
    總感覺我看到真正的病嬌了[t滑稽]

    3月7日 23:42 回复
  5. Enterprise

    厉害了,这个网站真是人才辈出,我只知道blizzard是种酒名

    3月7日 09:45来自移动端 回复
  6. Adagio

    翻译辛苦了,贴图那杯酒应该是改良后的Kentucky Blizzard。Blizzard是另外一种鸡尾酒,加咖啡,上面还会有一坨奶油。

    3月7日 01:31来自iPhone 回复
  7. Enterprise

    没错,你是对的,我看快了,真是身败名裂,这句话竟然看错了

    3月6日 23:39来自移动端 回复
  8. Yuuri

    and she was sober then的意思应该是她昨晚finger herself的时候是清醒的…

    3月6日 23:30来自iPhone 回复
  9. 匿名

    草马的汉子你威武雄壮

    3月6日 21:27来自Windows Phone6 回复
  10. ppp

    ╭(°A°`)╮

    3月6日 18:47来自移动端 回复
  11. 回来了?

    3月6日 17:08来自新浪微博1 回复
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