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Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(四) – 看趣闻




时间: 2017-3-6 分类: 奇葩事迹 作者: Enterprise

TAGS: , ,

语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾








So I met this guy at a party for a friend of a friend. I’m pretty shy so I ended up kind of hanging out in a corner by myself and met a guy who was also a friend of a friend of the host. He was pretty cute and funny so we spent most of the night talking and the subsequent few days texting and calling each other on and off. Finally, he invited me out on a date to go horse back riding.



Cool, I love horses. I’m down.



We live in a bigger city so we have to drive for about 1.5 hour to get to the place where he boards his horses. On the way there we chat and generally bullshit until we’re about 15 minutes away, then he gets really quiet. I take this as him getting tired of driving and just enjoy the music and scenery.



We get to the place and he literally hops out of the truck before he even puts it in park and RUNS towards the stable calling his horse’s name. I put the car in park thinking that it’s been forever since he’s seen her and he really loves his horse. I follow him to where he goes and he’s in the stable feeding her carrots and lovingly stroking her nose. He gives me a carrot and shows me how hold my hand to feed her and instructs me to give her a carrot. The horse eyeballs me, turns her head and walks away.



Whatever. Whorse.

随便,贱马 whores的发音和马相同,而且是婊子的意思


He loans me a horse to ride and we go on a mini ride and picnic. Any time he got close enough to touch me or hold my hand his horse would “mysteriously” veer away from me. After we’re done we pile into the truck and make the drive home.



About a mile and a half from my exit, he asked me what I thought of his horse. I said she was cool and I thought she was beautiful. Then he dropped a bomb on me.



He said he was having sex with his horse. And that they were “in love”. The only reason he was dating was because he knew he was going to die before her. He told me that if we were to date that I was not to make him choose because he would ALWAYS choose her first and that she was his priority. In other words, I would be second fiddle to a horse.





In Soviet Russia, whorse rides you!



I’m not sure why you’re more upset that he liked his horse more than you, and not as upset that HE WAS FUCKING HIS HORSE




Oh no I was thoroughly disgusted by the fact, but people fuck horses all the time. But to fuck your horse, then date and tell the person that the horse comes first…what the -actual- fuck.




people fuck horses all the time


>>人们一直都这么做 ಠ_ಠ



I know, it hurts my brain to think about too.




We went out to a nice restaurant that she liked. (2nd date) We had a nice dinner and everything was good. Check came, I paid with my debit card. It was declined. (apparently, there was an issue with my direct deposit and a fair amount of money didn’t get into my bank which had no noticed)



Ok, here’s my credit card that I carry just in case. Where’s my credit card?(I had just went on a trip and cleaned out my wallet, credit card sitting on desk at home)



Checkbook? That’s at home too.



Cash? Who the hell carries cash?



After sheepishly explaining the situation and promising to pay her back ASAP, she paid.



Walked out to the car and found ….. no car. After calling around, discovered the car was towed!?!?! (Towing company was overly aggressive and towed my car when they shouldn’t have)



Took a cab to the towing yard. No money, she had to pay for cab.



Got into argument with ignorant tow truck guys who refused to release my car even though it was parked properly and we had restaurant receipts to prove it, etc. $125. She had to pay.



Worst date ever for me…..



She was a trooper and we’re married now, lol

I always now carry 3 ways to pay, that just isn’t happening again.

We ended up buying a house in the town where the tow truck company is

The tow truck company mysteriously burned down one night.






I had NOTHING to do with that, but I could definitely see someone torching that place, though my theory is they burned it down for insurance money…



Cab drove us right by the house we ended up buying when we moved into that town (though we didn’t know it at the time)A couple weeks after my car got towed, the mall/building got rid of the towing company and opened the whole thing up due to all of the ‘false towings’ happening.




I don’t know how to tell you this, but your wife is an arsonist.




“honey, did you hear about that tow truck being found dead?”

“no, can’t say I did, sweetie. Look, I made your favourite!” hides bloodied wrench with serviette





I used to live 15 miles outside of town and got stuck in town when a blizzard hit. I decided I’d weather the weather in my favorite dive bar, get my drink on and maybe pass out in the basement. I walk in, the place is nearly deserted, just 2 friends of mine, the bartender and a girl that I had known for about 10 years who had a reputation as a one wild filly.



The bartender and my friends were at the far end of the bar, and I had to walk past the girl , and as I start to she spins around on her bar stool and pulls her skirt up over her thighs to reveal a lack of underwear. “Look at my pussy,” she says, to which I replied by quickly averting my gaze to my friends and the bartender, who were suppressing laughter.




She grabbed my arm, shook me and growled “NO. I WANT YOU TO WATCH.” and began furiously masturbating with the other hand. I wrenched myself away from her grip, chuckled a little, and said “you should put that thing away before someone gets hurt,” and walked over to sit with my friends. I took a seat, but she turned her stool to face us and kept fingering herself and growling lewd remarks at us, and we just tried to ignore her. She ended up throwing up on the payphone and passing out in the ladies room, so we put her in the safety position and went back to enjoying our blizzard.










I was young and dumb and bored. I had been talking to a guy online for a while and he mentioned he was doing homework. I offered to come over and help.



I go over. Things are going ok, we are doing homework and talking. I wasn’t attracted to him off the bat (very large guy) but I’m ok with that because personality changes things, I’m curious where things will go.



He starts turning things more sexual after about 30 minutes. I try to slow down things. He starts talking more about sex. I say that I need to go because I have things to do.



He says ok but can I wait a few minutes and do I want something to drink? I say no thank you, he goes to get something and I notice he locks the door as he passes by. I stand up and grab my bag. He comes out of the kitchen and says “here drink this”. I pretend to take a sip and walk around the other side of the couch. At this point I realize he is purposely blocking the path to the door. He starts asking if he can go down on me.



I realized I’m in a craptastic situation. I put my bag down on the couch and go into the kitchen, all the while he’s saying stuff he wants to do to me. As he is going around a side table I run aver and grab my bag, run for the door, unlock it and get in my car. When he sees I’m getting away and faster than him he starts screaming “I’ll let you sit on my face! I’ll let you sit on my face!”






I’m glad I got away. Sadly there has been no face sitting ever for me after that incident. About a year later I saw my 15 year old sister chatting with someone with a very similar screen name. I tell her a bit of the story to warn her off and then made a face screen name to chat her up (aol style) and freak her out with how much info she gave me… So hopefully I helped her not make the same mistakes I did.




I was having coffee with a guy, when he leaned in, looked me in the eyes and nearly whispered “I thought about you when I masturbated yesterday.”





True story:

My first date with a girl, we were out having some drinks. She was maybe a bit tipsy, and she leaned over to say she wanted me. I told her to maybe wait till she was sober to say such a thing. She said she fingered herself to the thought of me last night, and she was sober then.







已有 12 条评论 新浪微博
  1. 瞬间爆炸型理科少女


    2017年3月30日 16:19来自移动端1 回复
    • 瞬间爆炸型理科少女


      2017年3月30日 18:03来自移动端1 回复
  2. ( º﹃º )


    2017年3月20日 05:05来自移动端 回复
  3. z_fire

    ++马的汉子那一段的评论,he liked his horse more than you, 他喜欢他的马胜于喜欢你,翻译反了

    2017年3月16日 14:44来自移动端1 回复
  4. CupcakeWOW


    2017年3月7日 23:421 回复
  5. Enterprise


    2017年3月7日 09:45来自移动端 回复
  6. Adagio

    翻译辛苦了,贴图那杯酒应该是改良后的Kentucky Blizzard。Blizzard是另外一种鸡尾酒,加咖啡,上面还会有一坨奶油。

    2017年3月7日 01:31来自iPhone1 回复
  7. Enterprise


    2017年3月6日 23:39来自移动端1 回复
  8. Yuuri

    and she was sober then的意思应该是她昨晚finger herself的时候是清醒的…

    2017年3月6日 23:30来自iPhone 回复
  9. 匿名


    2017年3月6日 21:27来自Windows Phone6 回复
  10. ppp


    2017年3月6日 18:47来自移动端 回复
  11. 回来了?

    2017年3月6日 17:08来自新浪微博1 回复