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Reddit:糟糕的约会经历(二) – 看趣闻




时间: 2017-2-20 分类: 奇葩事迹 作者: Enterprise

TAGS: , ,

语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾







[–]color_thine_fate I once went on a first date with a chick, and ended up having dinner with her mom and autistic brother, after helping her mom move crap around their house. And I was asked by her mom to spend the night, at which point I was expected to have relations with the daughter.



EDIT: Okay, here goes. So I met this chick online. My car was having trouble, so this particular night, she was my ride. She picked me up and we went to a mall. She seemed really cool, and we were hitting things off. Went to the Sbarro’s at the foodcourt, and got a bit of lunch. We’re sitting there eating, and all of a sudden, she says (completely out of the blue), “My ex beat me.” I was in mid-bite. So I had that little moment where I stop chewing for a moment, and then start chewing again really slowly because I have committed to the bite.





“I’m.. sorry, that sucks.”



“Yeah, we just broke up a week ago.”



Goddammit. So I’m a rebound. Great. I did feel bad for her though. But then she talked.. and talked.. and talked, about nothing but her relationship with him. I’m thinking, this is a really shitty date. She tells a story about how she told him she was going on a date with me, and he grabbed her arm and yelled at her. I’m already thinking “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

该死,看来我是就是用来填补她内心空虚的。(这里指的意思是这个女的在和她男朋友分手后想找个人来填补缺失的感情,rebound 或是 rebound guy很多都会译成备胎,但个人觉得直接翻成备胎很怪,所以就这么翻了)我的确为她的经历感到难过。但是她之后就不停不停的说。都是关于和他之间的。我想,这个约会真糟糕。她告诉我她跟前任说要和我出去约会时,她前任抓住她的手臂对她大喊大叫。那时我在想,“我tm到底卷到什么里面了。”


So I’m already kind of wanting out, but she was my ride. So we see this movie, and then she wants to walk around the mall. “Hey, let’s go into Hot Topic. I LOVE this store.” Sigh. While we’re in there, she just lunges at me and kisses me. Okay, getting really weird now.

我已经有点想走了,但是她开车。我们之后去看了电影然后在商业街里逛。“我们去hot topic吧(一家专门卖各种音乐、电影周边的衣服的店),我爱死那家店了。”唉,就在我们到了里面时,她突然扑向我然后亲了我。好吧,真的是越来越奇怪了。


After the mall, I’m like, “Okay, well I had a really good time!”




“Me too! You’re so great. I can’t wait for my family to meet you.” I’m thinking, okay, I can get into why that’s not going to happen a bit later, once I’m safe and away from the crazy woman, but for now, I’ll smile and nod. Then she gets on a highway I never get on.




“Where are we going?”



“To my house, duh!” Apparently, she meant “I can’t wait until you meet my family right fucking now.”




At this point, I almost want to call a friend for a ride, but my friends would just love the fact that I’m in this situation, and let me rot anyway, so I stick it out. I figure, okay, a couple hours and she’ll take me home.






We get to her house, and immediately, her mom asks me to help move a pile of 6 or 7 heavy boxes out to the shed in the back yard. I’m too polite to say no (though I wish I wasn’t, in this situation) so I do it.



I come back in, covered in sweat (it was August), muscles aching, and she says “Thanks sweetheart.” The girl’s brother walks into the room and she introduces me.





“Hey, this is my brother, ‘Terrance’. He’s really autistic, so don’t pay any attention to him.”



“What do you mean ‘don’t pay any attention to him’?!”



Well everything he says is weird, so you just take it with a grain of salt.



I really felt bad for the kid. He was interesting. Showed me his pet lizard and pet tarantula (I hate spiders, but I figured I would humor him, because if his sister is always like that, it would help to act interested). He changed subjects all over the place and was really hard for me to follow, but he eventually left to go do something else.



So about an hour passes of me watching TV with the girl, and then she says, “So are you ready to go eat?” Dammit! I WANT TO GO HOME. But going out one more time will put us in a vehicle, so I’ll get home.

和那个女孩看了一小时电视,之后她说:“准备好出发去吃晚饭了吗?”该死!我想回家。$ o1但考虑到出去吃饭会要开车,这样我也就可以回家了。

We get ready to leave for Chili’s, and her mom walks into the living room with her purse. “So where we going??”




I laughed. Seriously, I thought she was joking, because what mom would just invite herself to dinner on her 23 year old daughter’s first date with a guy? She looked at me weird, and then back to her daughter.



“Chili’s. Is Terrance ready?”



WHAT SO YOU FUCKING KNEW?! I’m smiling, but in my head, I’m thinking, “WHY THE FUCK IS THIS NORMAL TO ALL OF YOU!?”



So we go to Chili’s, and I feel like I’m the big brother in the family. Constant bickering between the brother and sister, her egging him on, making fun of him for being autistic, and the mom only jumping in when they started kicking each other under the table.



After about an hour, we leave. Get back to their house, and it’s about 10pm. I figured we were dropping off the mom and brother, so she could take me home. “So, you about to take me home?”



The mom jumps in. “No, she’s not allowed to drive after dark. You’ll have to spend the night. It’s okay, though. Her bed’s a queen, and I don’t care what you guys do in there. I’m not the smothering type hahahaha.”






I was ready to call a friend because I was seriously about to panic. Not that I feared for my safety, but I was just a 12 on a scale of 1-10 of uncomfortability. I pull out my phone, it’s dead. Holyballs my phone is dead. Why is it dead? OH YEAH, I’VE BEEN ON A TEN HOUR DATE.


So I have to just… deal with this. We go back into her room, and watch TV. She keeps putting moves on me, moves that were honestly incredibly hard to resist. I end up pretending to fall asleep, and she falls asleep.



I turn the TV on and watch Comedy Central until the infomercials start, and then I get up. It’s way too uncomfortable for me to sleep in this situation. So I go into the living room, and no one’s there. I start digging through their drawers and shit, looking for a charger that fit. There’s only a USB one, so I had to turn on their computer to charge my phone.

之后我把电视打开看喜剧中心频道(Comedy Central,一个电视频道相信看过南方公园,黑人兄弟和囧司徒的都不会陌生)。广告开始后我就起床了。对我来说在那种情况下睡觉实在太不舒服了。我起身去客厅,那里没有人。我开始翻他们的抽屉之类的去找合适的充电器。但只找到一根USB线,所以我只能打开电脑给我的手机充电。

I call a friend (it’s about 3AM at this point, so no one’s going to pick me up, but I just needed to rant) and talk to her for a couple of hours about my night.


At about 5AM, the girl comes out of her room and is like “Baby, is everything okay?”





“You coming to bed?”


“Not for awhile! Thank you though!!”

[再等会! 谢谢!]

I eventually fall asleep on the couch a bit later.


The next morning, she wants to watch like 3 hours of the Disney Channel, and is finally willing to take me home at 1PM. I say no words the entire way home. I wanted to just go off on her, but I sensed a lot of crazy in that family, so this was one of those situations where I found it okay to just never answer the phone calls or texts again.



She ends up convincing a friend to contact me on the dating site, but not to tell me she knew her. After we finally swapped numbers, she calls me and I hear the chick in the background “NOW ASK HIM WHY HE WON’T TALK TO ME!”



I hung up, deleted my profile on that site, and took a bath in battery acid.








This guy is a fucking trooper though, he resisted the sexy times with a crazy girl. He deserves a medal. Good job.




And crazy girls make for awesome sexy times… but with oh so terrible consequences…




“Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed”




Not all “crazy in the bed” is good, trust me.





When you looked for a charger, I expected the mom to be dressed in lingerie and have you have sex with her on top of the autistic son. Is that weird? No, no I didn’t think so.




I now wanted this to happen too.




Welp, you just mad a horror story more horrible.




We can go deeper!

For instance, let’s say the chick had a tarantula fetish and wanted to sleep with that monster in the room.









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  1. 回想一下 那几个被男主搬出去的箱子里是什么

    2017年2月22日 14:28来自移动端5 回复
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