17Jan

金发女郎笑话N则

时间: 2017-1-17 分类: 每日一笑 作者: magichp

TAGS: ,

语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾

金发女郎笑话N则

 

BlondeA Blond walks into a gas station

submitted 10 hours ago by drollia

金发女郎走进加油站

 

A Blond walks into a gas station and asks the employee: “I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?” Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can’t stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: “There is a Blond who tries to open her car with a coat hanger!” The employee: “So what? This could happen to anyone.” Trucker: “Sure, but usually there isn’t another Blond in the car who yells: a little more right / a little more left! “

一个金发女郎走进了加油站,对加油站的店员说道:“我把我的钥匙锁进车里了。你能给我个衣架什么的,让我把钥匙从车窗勾出来吗?”十分钟以后,一个卡车司机狂笑着走进了加油站。店员问他为什么笑,卡车司机说:“门口有个金发女郎,正用一个衣架钩她的车钥匙呢!”店员说:“这事不是谁都做过吗?”卡车司机说:“你见过一个金发女郎在车外用衣架钩钥匙,另一个金发女郎在车里指挥“向左一点,向右一点”的吗?”

 


Happy Friday – Blonde Joke :)

submitted 1 year ago by jaychok

星期五快乐——金发笑话 :)

 

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

一位盲人走进酒吧,坐在了吧台前。点了一杯酒,坐了一会以后,他叫来服务生:“你想听个金发女郎的笑话吗?”

 

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

整个酒吧马上安静了下来。他身旁的女人用严肃的口气说道:“你讲这个笑话前,请先搞清楚,服务生是金发女郎,调酒师是金发女郎,我是个1米8 90公斤空手道黑带的金发女郎。坐在我另一边的是个金发女举重运动员,坐在你另一边的是个金发女职业摔跤手。好好想想伙计,你真的要讲那个金发女郎的笑话吗?”

 

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

盲人想了想,说:“还是算了吧,我不打算解释五遍这个笑话的笑点。”

 


BlondeSmart blonde joke

submitted 3 months ago by LuffyTheAstronaut

聪明的金发女郎

 

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

三个女人去了墨西哥庆祝大学毕业。她们都喝醉了,醒来的时候发现自己在监狱,马上要被送上电椅——她们不知道自己那天晚上做了什么。

 

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

第一位红发女郎被捆在电椅上,刽子手问她有什么遗言。她说:“我刚从三一圣经学院毕业,我相信万能的主会庇护无辜者的。”刽子手打开了电椅的开关,什么都没有发生。大家连忙匍匐在地,请求原谅,并释放了她。

 

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

第二位棕发女郎被捆在电椅上,对刽子手说:“我刚从哈佛法学院毕业。我相信正义的力量会保护无辜者的生命。”刽子手打开开关,什么都没有发生。大家连忙匍匐在地,请求原谅,并释放了她。

 

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

第三位金发女郎被捆在电椅上,对刽子手说:“我刚从德州大学电机工程专业毕业,我告诉你,你要是不把插座插上,永远都别指望这个电椅工作!”

 


One of my favorite blonde jokes

submitted 2 years ago by Stealthy4u

我最喜欢的金发女郎笑话之一

 

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”

一个金发女郎心情郁闷,因为她害怕自己的丈夫有外遇。所以她去枪店买了一把手枪。第二天,她抓到自己的丈夫和一个红发美女在一张床上。她拔出手枪,对准自己的脑袋。她丈夫从床上跳了起来,跪求自己的太太不要自杀。金发女郎怒气冲冲的说:“闭嘴!下一枪就轮到你了!”

 


A blonde joke my sub told us.

submitted 3 years ago by josethdestroyer

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

一对金发/棕发姐妹继承了家族农场。不幸的是,几年后她们手头变得紧巴巴。为了避免银行收走她们的农场,她们打算从远方的镇畜牧所里引进一头公牛,这样她们就可以有自己的畜群了。

 

They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

她们手头只有600美元,在走之前,棕发女郎对她的姐姐说:“我到了以后,如果我决定买公牛,就联系你,你就开车出来,我们一起把它带回家。”

 

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

棕发女郎出了门,到了畜牧所,看好了公牛,决定买下来。卖牛的人开价599美元,绝不还价。交了钱以后,她开车到了镇里,准备给她的姐姐发了一个电报。她到了电报局,说“我要给我姐姐发个电报,说我要买一头公牛。我要她把拖车挂到我们的皮卡上,开车过来,然后把牛带回去。”

 

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, ‘It’s just 99 cents a word.’ Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

电报局的雇员说他乐意帮忙,又解释说:“一个词要99分。”但是棕发女郎只剩下了1美元,她只能发一个词出去。

 

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’

她想了一会,说“你只要发comfortable这个词就好了。”

 

The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’

雇员摇了摇头。“要是这样,她怎么知道你要她把拖车挂到皮卡上开过来,然后把牛运回去呢?”

 

The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it very slowly … com-for-da-bull.’

棕发女郎解释说:“我姐姐是金发女郎,这个词太长了,她念不下来,她会读成“来拉牛”(come for the bull)”

 


LongA ventriloquist does a show

submitted 3 months ago by _Boba_Fett

一个人偶师在表演

 

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!” The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee.”

一天晚上,一个年轻的人偶师在阿肯色州的小镇里表演腹语术。他把人偶放在膝上,开始讲起金发女郎的笑话来。这时候一个金发女郎跳起来,对他抗议道:“我听够了这些金发女郎的蠢笑话了!你怎么能这样给一类女人下定义呢?一个人的发色和一个人的人格有什么关系?就是你这样的人,让我这样的女人在生活中和工作中被人歧视!因为你们这些人一直在歧视金发女人,不是,是一直在歧视女人,就是为了找乐子!”人偶师很惭愧,道了歉。金发女郎大怒道:“这事跟你没关系!我是在跟你膝上那个小兔崽子说话!”

 


The Blonde who is sick and tired of blonde jokes!

submitted 2 years ago by itstimey

金发女郎受够了被人取笑

 

A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, “For best results, put on two coats.”

她决定让她的丈夫好好看看,金发女郎有多聪明。在丈夫工作的时候,她打算把房子里的房间给刷一下。第二天,她丈夫走了,她开始工作。他丈夫5点半回家的时候闻到了油漆的味道,走进了客厅,看见她汗流浃背坐在地板上。他看见她穿着滑雪外套和毛大衣。他觉得奇怪,就问自己的妻子是否感觉还好。她回话说,她想要他知道金发女郎一点都不笨,她要刷好房间,让他知道。他问,那你为啥在毛大衣上还套着滑雪外套呢?她回答:“油漆桶上说了,为了达到最好的效果,一个地方刷两次(穿两件外套)。”

 


A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest?

submitted 11 months ago by ProVipr

念初中的金发女郎,棕发女郎和红发女郎,哪个最性感?

 

The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

当然是金发女郎啦,因为只有她有18岁(一直留级)。

 


BlondeA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

submitted 4 months ago * by PleaseTrade

金发女郎,棕发女郎和红发女郎去抢银行

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

一切顺利,她们带上头套,营业员把钱递给了她们。

 

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

出了银行,她们听见了警笛声,街边开来了警车,她们连忙冲进小巷。

 

The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.

警察迅速行动,堵住了路口。墙边放了三个土豆袋子。

 

“Quick! Hide!” The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.

”快躲起来!“棕发女郎说道。三个女人各自钻进一个袋子。

 

A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.

警察走了过来,找这三个女人。他看到三个土豆袋子,先踢了其中一个。

 

“Meow!” goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.

!”红发女郎努力学着猫叫。

 

“Just an alley cat…” The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.

“野猫……”警察嘟囔道。他又踢了下一个袋子。

 

“Woof!” Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.

“汪汪!”棕发女郎学着叫。

 

“Just a stray…” The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.

“野狗……”警察嘟囔道。他又踢了一脚第三个袋子。

 

“POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE” grunts the blonde.

“土土土土土豆豆豆”金发女郎哼哼道。

 


Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..

submitted 1 year ago * by smashley951

金发女郎开车,被金发女警察拦住了。

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked.

金发女郎开车超了速,被金发女警察拦住了。女警找女郎要驾照。女郎在提包里找了半天,然后问女警:“驾照长啥样?”

 

The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’

女警回答说:“是一个长方形的东西,上面有你的照片。”

 

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

女郎从包里找到一面方镜,看了看,交给了女警。

 

‘Here it is,’ she said.

“给你。”她说。

 

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop too.’

女警看了看,把方镜还给了女郎。“你走吧,我不知道你也是个警察呢。”

 


跟帖:一个跟帖问,如果金发女郎这么笨,怎么可能当警察?然后PO主又发了一个

 

See, the blonde, whose name is Jennifer, had gone through training with her blonde friends, Anniston and Blythe. Part of their test at the end was suspect identification. So an officer flashed them a picture of a suspect’s profile, a picture of the captain he had taken earlier that day, then asked them how they would easily identify the captain later if their only information was the picture.

金发女郎詹妮佛,安妮斯顿和贝蒂同时进了警校。在一门考试中,她们需要辨认嫌疑犯。一名警官给她们看了一眼一张嫌疑犯的照片,这其实是一名警官之前拍的侧脸照。然后他问,如果只有这张照片,怎么样才能从人群中找到这个人呢?

 

Anniston went first, and she laughed when he did. “Oh, that’s easy!” she said. “It would be easy to identify the captain, because he only has one eye!”

安妮斯顿先回答道“那很容易!”她接着说道“这个人只有一只眼睛!”

 

The officer was confused at this for a moment before he realized what she was thinking, then he had to laugh. “Silly girl, this is the captain’s profile. You’ll never be a cop!”

警官想了半天才弄明白,原来安妮斯顿是个傻瓜。他笑道“笨蛋,这是这个警官的侧脸照!你被开除了!”

 

Blythe went next, and once again the officer showed her the captain’s profile. She took a moment to think, then laughed. “Hah, easy!” she said. “The captain only has one ear!”

接下来贝蒂参加考试,看了警官的照片以后,她想了想,说道“这很容易!这个人只有一只耳朵!”

 

The officer isn’t amused at all this time. “Silly girl, this is a profile! Do you even know what that means! Get out, you’ll never be a cop!”

警官很生气,对她说“笨蛋,这是侧脸照!你知道这是啥意思吗?你被开除了!”

 

Then it was Jennifer’s turn, and once more the officer flashes the captain’s picture. She examines it closely, then smiles and tells the officer “the captain wears contact lenses.”

接下来是詹妮佛。她仔细的观察了警官的照片,然后说:“这个人带着隐形眼镜!”

 

Now, that’s not something the officer knows off the top of his head, and it’s not too useful for identifying suspects at a distance, either. But it was pretty impressive, as when he went and asked the captain it turned out that yes, he did! The officer asked Jennifer how she knew that he wore contacts, and she explained,

警官很惊讶,他从来没有预料到这个答案,虽然这对抓捕嫌疑犯没有帮助,不过詹妮佛的观察力似乎非常惊人。他连忙去问拍了这张照片的警官,对方也很惊讶詹妮弗居然看出来了他带了隐形眼镜。警官回到考场,问詹妮佛怎么看出来这一点的。

 

“Well, before I decided I wanted to be a police officer, I was going to be an optometrist, so I know a bunch of stuff about eyes and glasses still. I could see a groove on the captain’s nose from where he used to wear glasses. However, even though he needs visual correction, he can’t wear normal glasses because he’s obviously been in some sort of horrible accident that’s left him with only one ear and one eye.”

“我打算报考警校以前,想过做一个验光师。所以我对眼镜颇有研究。从这个警官的鼻子上可以看出来,他以前有过戴眼镜的痕迹,可见他有近视。不过他显然经历了一场可怕的灾难,失去了半张脸,只剩下一个眼睛和一个耳朵,这样他就没法戴一般人戴的眼镜啦!”

 


BlondeTired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.

submitted 28 days ago by LordsandLadies48

金发女郎被取笑得伤了心,她把自己的头发染成了棕色

 

She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

她到了乡下,看见一个牧羊人正在赶他的羊穿过公路。

 

“Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?” she asks.

“嘿羊倌,如果我能猜对你有多少头羊,你能送我一头吗?”

 

The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, “352!”

羊倌答应了。她便报出数字来“352!”

 

The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

羊倌佩服得五体投地,他信守诺言,让她挑一头羊走。

 

“I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. “It’s the cutest!”

“我要这一头。“她得意洋洋的说道。”这头羊最可爱。”

 

“Hey lady,” says the shepherd. “If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

“嘿女士”羊倌说道“如果我能猜对你染发以前头发的颜色,你能把我的狗还给我吗?”

 


BlondeA blonde goes to work in tears.

submitted 18 days ago by drollia

金发女郎哭着上班去

 

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, “What’s wrong?” She says, “My mom died.” He told her to go home, but she said, “No, I’ll be fine.” Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, “What’s wrong?” She replies, “I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!”

她的老板问“怎么了?”她回答说“我妈妈过世了。”老板叫她回家休息,她说“不了,我还能工作。”过了一会,她又哭了起来。老板问道“又怎么了?”她回答说“我刚听我姐姐说,她妈妈也过世了!”

 


BlondeA Blonde was down on her luck…

submitted 3 months ago by RahulKamath

一个倒霉的金发女郎

 

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

一个金发女郎走了霉运。为了弄到点钱,她决定绑架一个小孩索取赎金。她跑到游乐场,抓了一个小孩,把他带到树后,对他说:“我绑架你了!”然后她写了一张纸条:“我把你的小孩绑架了!明天早上把一万美金放进纸袋子里,然后把纸袋带到游乐场北边斜坡旁的核桃树下!金发女郎书”金发女郎把纸条贴在小孩子的外套上,把小孩放回家让他的父母看到。第二天金发女郎在核桃树下找到了一个纸袋,里面有一万美金,还有一张纸条“你怎么能对另一个金发女郎做这样的事情!”

 


80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention.

submitted 4 months ago by RubenTheDuck

八万金发美女在一个橄榄球场集会示威,抗议认为金发女郎愚蠢的刻板印象

 

The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

主持人说道:“我们今天在这里,就是要证明金发女郎一点都不笨!有人自愿出来吗?”

 

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

一个金发女郎得意洋洋的穿过人群,走上了主席台。

 

The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”

主持人问道“15加15是多少?”

 

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”

过了十几二十秒,她回答说“18!”

 

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

大家都很失望。八万金发女郎开始给她打气“再给她一次机会!再给她一次机会!”

 

The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”

主持人说“既然我们花了这么大力气找来八万金发美女在这个地方,还请来了全世界的媒体,我看我们应该让她再试一次。”

 

So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”

“5加5是多少?”主持人问道。

 

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”

过了将近半分钟,她回答说“90吗?”

 

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”

主持人很沮丧,他低下头,叹了一口气。大家都很失望,金发女郎哭了起来。八万金发女郎开始举起手为她加油“再给她一次机会!再给她一次机会!”

 

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance — What is 2 plus 2?”

主持人犹豫了一下,毕竟他不想再让大家失望,不过他还是问了下去。“好吧,再给你最后一次机会。2加2是多少?”

 

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”

金发女郎闭上眼睛,想了整整一分钟,然后回答道:“是4吗?”

 

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream… “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

整个橄榄球馆沸腾了起来,八万姑娘跳起脚,挥动她们的胳膊,大喊道:“再给她一次机会!再给她一次机会!”

 


Blonde schoolgirl

submitted 3 years ago by yarblls

金发学生妹

 

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

詹妮是个金发学生妹,这一天她高高兴兴的回到了家.

 

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”

妈妈,妈妈!她喊道.“我们今天在数数,其他小孩只能数到4,但是我能数到10,你看,12345678910!”

 

“Very good,” said her mother.

很好!她妈妈说到.

 

“Is it because I’m blonde?” Jenny asked.

因为我是金发吗?詹妮问道。

 

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy.

是啊,因为你是金发。妈妈回答道。

 

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”

第二天金发学生妹高高兴兴的回到了家。“妈妈,妈妈!”她喊道“我们今天在学字母表!其他小孩只能认到D,我能认到G!看,ABCDEFG!”

 

“Very good, Jenny,” said her mother.

“很好!”她妈妈说道。

 

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“因为我是金发吗?”

 

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”

“是啊,因为你是金发女孩呢!”

 

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”

第三天詹妮又高高兴兴的回到了家。“妈妈,妈妈!”她喊道“我们今天在上体育课。课后洗澡的时候我看到其他女孩子都是平胸,可是我有这个!”

 

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs

她脱了衣服,露出36C的胸部。

 

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“很好!”她妈妈不好意思的说道。

 

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“因为我是金发女孩吗?妈妈?”

 

“No Honey, it’s because you’re 24

“不是亲爱的,因为只有你有24岁!”

 


BlondeA blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes…

submitted 5 months ago by _-reddit-

一个金发女郎受不了被人嘲笑

 

…and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, “I’m hanging myself because I’m tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!”

她打算在浴室上吊自杀。她关上门,对丈夫喊道:“我要吊死我自己,你们的金发女郎笑话太伤人了!”

 

Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, “I thought you were hanging yourself.”

她丈夫砸破浴室门,看见她用一根绳子捆住自己的大拇指。他说:“我以为你要上吊了呢。”

 

She said, “Yes, I am!” The husband replied, “Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?”

她说:“是啊!”丈夫说:“可是上吊的时候,不都是吊在脖子上吗?吊住自己的大拇指干什么?

 

She said, “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”

她说:“我刚试过了,吊在脖子上我可就透不过气来啦!”

 


Blondes At The Bus Stop.

submitted 3 years ago by Snowwwwy

金发女郎在公交车站

 

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

两个金发女郎在等车。

 

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver – “will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”

来了一辆公交车,一位金发女郎问司机:“这辆车能带我去第五大道吗?”

 

The bus driver shakes his head, “no, I’m sorry, it won’t” he says.

“不能。”司机摇了摇头。

 

The other blonde leans inside and asks, “how about me?”

另一个金发女郎问道:“那能带我去吗?”

 


BlondeA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead

submitted 5 months ago by DaftScholar

all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

金发女郎,红发女郎和棕发女郎在办公室为一位女上司工作。这个女上司经常早退。

 

“Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never know.”

“嘿姑娘们”棕发女郎说道“我们也早退吧,上司根本不会知道的。”

 

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

第二天女上司早退以后,她们也都离开了办公室。棕发女郎清理了花园,红发女郎去了酒吧,只有金发女郎回家发现她的丈夫正在和女上司偷情!她悄悄的离开了家,回到了办公室,待到下班时间才离开。

 

“That was fun,” says the brunette. “We should do it again sometime.”

“真好!”第二天棕发女郎说道。“我们应该再来一次。”

 

“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”

“那可不行!”金发女郎说。“我差点被女上司给抓到!”

 


A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop.

submitted 2 years ago by Pickletitties

金发女郎和棕发女郎在市中心散步。棕发女郎发现她的男友正在花店里。

 

A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop. “Just great,” the brunette complained to the blonde, “my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers.” The blonde responds, “Why is that a problem?” The brunette replies, “Because now he’ll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air.” “Why?” asked the blonde, “Don’t you have a vase?”

“好吧”棕发女郎叹息道。“我的男朋友在花店给我买花。”金发女郎问道“那又怎么样?”棕发女郎回答道“然后他就想要我整个周末都张开大腿,脚底朝天了!”“为什么?”金发女郎问道“你家不是有个花瓶么?”

 


BlondeA man sees a blonde across the river.

submitted 9 months ago by guitarded62

一个男人在河对面看见一位金发女郎

 

Man: How do I get to the other side?

男人:我怎么到河对面去?

 

Blonde: You are on the other side.

金发女郎:你就在河对面啊!

 


An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”

爱尔兰人,墨西哥人和金发小子在20层楼上的工地。午饭的时候爱尔兰人说道:“又是牛肉白菜。如果我再吃这个,我就跳下去死了算了。”

 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

墨西哥人打开他的午饭盒子。“玉米卷!如果我再吃玉米卷,我也跳下去!”

 

The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Polony again! If I get a polony sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

金发小子看了看自己的午饭“又是切香肠!我要是再吃香肠三明治,我也跳下去!”

 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

第二天爱尔兰人看到他的午饭又是牛肉白菜,就跳楼死了。

 

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burritos, and jumped, too.

墨西哥人看到他的午饭又是玉米卷,也跳楼死了。

 

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the polony and jumped to his death as well.

金发小子看到他的午饭是香肠,同样跳了下去。

 

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping.She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated Burritos so much.”

在葬礼中,爱尔兰人的老婆大哭,说道“我要是真的知道他那么恨牛肉白菜,就不会再给他吃了!”

墨西哥人的老婆也哭着说“我不知道他这么恨玉米卷,早知道我给他做别的吃呢!”

 

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said,

大家转向金发小子的老婆。她说:

 

“Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch”

“别看我,那小子自己给自己做午饭。”

 


Blonde Joke

submitted 2 years ago by JoWoodsParrot

Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?

为什么金发女郎的肚脐受了伤?

 

Because blonde guys aren’t smart either

因为金发小子的脑子也强不到哪去。

 

Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed…

submitted 2 years ago by I_fail_at_memes

通知:因为金发读者的抗议,以后将不再发表金发女郎的笑话

 

…because they couldn’t read them.

…因为她们找不到笑点。


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magichp

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Comments
已有 13 条评论 新浪微博
  1. OK

    讲道理,这就是一种对金发的人的偏见不是吗

    2月27日 19:29来自iPhone 回复
  2. 涸欢

    刷一发P&S! An-ar-chy!

    1月20日 15:14 回复
  3. 很深沉……但是金发(巨…)无脑就是正义。

    1月20日 11:06来自新浪微博1 回复
  4. 匿名

    感受到深深的恶意……

    1月19日 05:00来自移动端1 回复
  5. magichp

    介绍一个背景:在欧美文化中,金发女郎一般都被当做胸大无脑的典型来看,所以金发女郎就是9的意思。

    1月18日 16:17 回复
    • Maecenas

      感受到了作者对金发女郎的执念。

      1月19日 04:13 回复
  6. 这些笑话里面有些就算不用金发女郎一样不会影响笑点…但是换成单身狗就会有额外的笑点(对,没错,充满自我伤害的恶意)[doge]

    1月18日 14:41来自QQ 回复
  7. kuri

    跟金发女郎有多大仇

    1月18日 01:28来自移动端 回复
  8. add

    翻译和作者宛如在金发女郎身上受过情伤…

    1月18日 01:03来自移动端3 回复
    • 匿名

      活在梦里,翻译怎么可能和金发女郎有关系呢?ヽ(•ω•ゞ)

      1月18日 08:55来自移动端2 回复
      • add

        赁好补刀

        1月20日 05:21来自移动端 回复
  9. 兰斯

    所以这是金发女=阿库娅吗

    1月17日 23:36 回复
  10. CupcakeWOW

    金髮女郎的完美逗B演出[t笑眼][t笑眼][t笑眼][t笑眼][t笑眼]
    這真是黑得有夠徹底[t喷]

    1月17日 23:11 回复
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