Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论

时间: 2016-8-21 分类: 二次元频道, 每日一笑 作者: 涸欢


语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾



Anime Maru is a regularly-updating online publication that is dedicated to bringing you up-to-date news and commentary about the anime industry.

Anime Maru是一个定期更新的在线网站,我们会带给你动画界最新的消息和评论。

Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论

Selected ones (Edited)





08/01/16: Man Commits Suicide in Desperate Ploy to Achieve Harem


Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论

by Dango_Ramen


Close friends reported that he always dreamed of having his own harem held in the same high esteem as that of Nisekoi. Barbano’s death was revealed to be a directly influenced by the currently airing anime Re:Zero. Barbano’s suicide note explains, “Re:Zero was always just a ploy to get all the girls. But after years of failure, anything is worth a try.”



It appeared that Barbano did indeed have a girlfriend but continuously failed to expand the female count beyond one. “They would always break up with me before I could get to two. They alleged it was ‘cheating’”. Barbano lamented in his letter, each word heavy with a drawn out angst. Barbano ended his letter with hopeful thoughts: “I can’t help but hope that it’ll be me. Even though I’m far too old for it and avoid helping people as much as I can, the world might just choose me to be the one who gets to live again and again.”

事实上,Barbano并非没有女朋友。但他一直试图同时和多个女孩交往,均以失败告终。“一旦我同时和两个女孩交往,她们总要和我闹分手,还骂我劈腿骂得特别难听。” Barbano在遗书里声泪俱下。遗书的末尾却充满希望:“我忍不住去想那个人可能是我。即使我已经成年,即使我并不乐于助人,这个世界仍有可能选择了我,成为那个一次一次轮回重生的主人公。”


The funeral was held earlier this week, where Barbano’s body was cremated with no signs of return.




Pokemon Go诱使茧居族走出地下室

07/08/16: Otaku Tricked Out of Basement by Pokemon Go


Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论

by TruthlessJere


Chris Smith’s breath forms clouds in the cold Welsh air as he walks down a rocky path near his home. He pulls his jacket up closer to his shoulders, his face squinting in the warm and unfamiliar light from the morning sun. He is on the search for Pokemon.

Chris Smith走在家附近的碎石小径上,他的呼吸在威尔士冰冷的空气里凝成了白雾。他拉了拉夹克盖住肩膀,稍稍眯起眼缝,看起来早晨温暖的阳光稍稍有些陌生。他正在搜寻口袋妖怪的路上。


Around the world, thousands of otaku leave the comfort and aroma of their basement lair and step outside for the first time in years. All in the hunt for Pokemon. The new phone game encourages players to move around and take an interest in the world around them by bridging the dull world of the disillusioned otaku with the world of Pokemon – an ideal world without difficulties, and with good waifu that you can capture and raise for your own.

全世界难以计数的茧居族走出他们舒适芬芳的地下室,数年内第一次离开家。这都是为了捉住口袋妖怪。这款新的手机游戏鼓励大家四处奔跑,关注自己周围的世界。Pokemon Go在otaku不抱期待的无聊世界和口袋妖怪的理想世界之间架起了桥梁,而后者正是一个没有困难的美丽地方,有着太多可爱的“俺の嫁”可以捕捉、饲养,他们都是你一个人的。


In other news, announcements have come from both Bandai and Nintendo that other apps are now in the works: Digimon: Move Around and Partake in Life! and Yo-Kai: Get Out There. In the announcement of these two games, were quick to claim that neither held any relation, or was a response to, Pokemon Go.

另一方面,Bandai和Nintendo的消息表明新的应用游戏像“数码宝贝:行动!体验生活!”(Digimon: Move Around and Partake in Life!)、“妖怪手表:走出去”(Yo-Kai: Get Out There)正在测试当中。制作公司还迅速声明这两款游戏和Pokemon Go并无任何联系。




08/16/16: Hibike! Euphonium Season Two Canceled due to Band Breakup


Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论

by Slapdash Scott


kyoFans were understandably shocked and upset to hear that not only was the anime being cancelled, but the band was breaking up. On twitter the band’s director Noboru Taki stated that “Unfortunately the girls have been drifting apart for some time.” Taki went on to explain that the band had been planning to stay together at least through the production of the second season; however, tensions dramatically rose after Sapphire criticized Kumiko’s musical talent and Reina responded by trying to gouge out Sapphire’s eyes with a rusty guitar pick. Since then there has been little communication between the members of the band.



Unfortunately, there is little reason to believe the situation will change, as this story seems to be par for the course when it comes to Kyoto Ani’s music anime. K-ON!! infamously lost its planned college season after Mio finally got tired of Mugi’s desert thievery and broke her bass over her head and the simple inclusion of a concert scene in The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya erased its author from existence.





08/12/16: Waifu Smile Protection Insurance Rates Skyrocket


Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论

by CuppaSteve


“Everything was going great around the start of last season, we had been building a steady consumer base. Then the recent episodes of Re:Zero started airing… Thousands of insurance claims on Ram… Millions on Rem… We sunk underwater fast. We had no choice but to raise our rates, unfortunately.”

“直到上一季度为止事情还好好的,我们还拥有着稳定的顾客群体。可是说到最近放映的Re: 0新章,拉姆有数万的保险索赔,蕾姆的索赔金额更是上亿。公司效益每况愈下。我们别无选择,只得提高保险费率。”


AniShield isn’t the only company that’s been experiencing financial troubles. Between more violent shows like Re:Zero or the recent ending of the Nisekoi manga and other harem stories, smiles have been more difficult for organizations to insure. Facing a massive amount of claims, many companies went into complete bankruptcy and went under. The remaining companies have had to raise their rates by exponential rate.

动画守护者并不是唯一一家陷入财务危机的公司。在Re: 0这样竞争激烈的剧集或是像刚结局的漫画“伪恋”这样的后宫故事中,女孩们的笑容越来越难以守护。面对庞大的索赔金额,许多保险公司面临破产,其余那些则不得不爆炸式地提高他们的保险费率。




08/09/2016: NIH Approves Funding for Creation of Monster Girls

Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论


By Fluffy Harpy


“Since the dawn of human civilization man has depicted human-animal hybrids in our myths, religions, and even pop culture. Even just 30 years ago men dreamed of women with cat ears whose cries of ‘Nyah warmed our hearts and made us ask ourselves “Could such a perfect thing ever exist in reality?,” NIH Director told dumbfounded reporters.



“Indeed today marks the beginning of a new monster girl filled era for us all!” He passionately announced while holding a pillow bearing the likeness of the lamia Miia close to his chest.




(Read more @ http://www.animemaru.com/

在http://www.animemaru.com/ 这里读到更详细的报道!)

特别感谢kevo @ Anime Maru的翻译与转载许可。


Ok, for liability reasons, I have to come clean. Anime Maru is a satirical publication. Nothing on this site should be interpreted as factual nor as a claim to fact. Content is not reflective of opinions held by the staff of Anime Maru. Content is not intended for readers under the age of 18. In conclusion, Anime Maru is fake anime news. If any of this is a surprise to you, I recommend speaking to your mother. She has something to tell you about the tooth fairy.

好吧,我老实交代,Anime Maru是个讽刺新闻网站。站上所有的新闻都不该被看作事实,也不该被视作工作人员的观点,网站的使用者最好已经成年。你没看错,Anime Maru编造动画新闻。读到这儿,如果觉得震惊不已,我建议你去找妈妈聊聊,她挺乐意给你讲讲小牙仙的故事。


Anime Maru Staff (I)

彩蛋:Anime Maru成员 (一)


Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论


Editor-in-Chief, CEO, and Fearless Leader of Anime Maru. He was trained by the North Korean People’s Institute of Journalism and Media. Like any true anime fan, kevo follows voice actresses on Twitter and pretends to understand their Japanese tweets. Twitter: @kevo31415

kevo出身于朝鲜国家新闻和媒体中心,现在是Anime Maru的总编辑、经理以及无所畏惧的领导者。像所有真正的动画粉一样,kevo在推特上关注各位声优,装作看得懂她们推文的样子。推特账号:@kevo31415



Anime Maru:带给你动画界最新的消息和评论


The first thing Actene did upon being given a computer of his own was start watching the dirty Japanese cartoons he had heard so much about, far from the prying eyes of his family so as not to be written out of the will. After joining the military in the hopes of becoming an anime protagonist, he was horrified to learn that the army was just like the internet in that everyone’s taste in anime was shit. The only thing he likes more than watching anime is complaining about anime.






希望LA可以看到“君の名は。(Your name.)”~ 呜啪呜啪







已有 14 条评论 新浪微博
  1. 水千户


    2016年8月24日 19:04来自移动端 回复
  2. 匿名


    2016年8月23日 20:46 回复
  3. mio砸貝斯,這是重金屬的節奏!

    2016年8月23日 14:48来自移动端 回复
  4. masakitenchi


    2016年8月22日 14:18来自移动端 回复
  5. 匿名


    2016年8月22日 01:53来自移动端1 回复
  6. 匿名

    第二个开始就有点扯了 。当我看到守护笑容的保险公司的时候我才意识到这个是编造出来的。(我是不是很智障

    2016年8月22日 00:322 回复
  7. peanutmilk


    2016年8月21日 23:42来自移动端2 回复
    • peanutmilk

      还有  这个超赞的

      2016年8月21日 23:43来自移动端1 回复
      • 涸欢


        2016年8月22日 00:12 回复
  8. acgn界的洋葱

    2016年8月21日 23:421 回复
  9. 匿名


    2016年8月21日 23:41来自移动端3 回复
  10. CupcakeWOW


    2016年8月21日 22:381 回复
  11. 匿名


    2016年8月21日 20:56 回复
  12. Scathach


    2016年8月21日 19:47来自移动端1 回复