27Apr

4chan:4chan趣事两则

时间: 2016-4-27 分类: 奇葩事迹, 每日一笑 作者: Skylark

TAGS: , ,

语言:   大陆 港澳 台湾

引用元:http://imgur.com/gallery/UavZt


 

4chan上的有趣故事

 

你们要的4chan,本篇包含两个小故事。 警告,第二篇高污,高污,高污,可能会让人感到不适,请谨慎阅读!

 

4chan:4chan趣事两则

 

Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:22 No.43O72491

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

上周的一个晚上,我的女朋友和我准备上床睡觉。

 

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

但是当我正要开始欲血沸腾的时候,她说道:“我不喜欢这样,我只想你抱抱我。”

 

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

我惊讶道:“哈?什么鬼?”

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

然后她就说了世界上每一个男朋友都害怕听到的话。

 

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

“你从来不在意我作为一个女人的精神需求是否足够,而只是用来满足你作为一个男人的生理欲望。”

 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

她对着一脸懵逼的喔说道:“你能否仅仅爱我这个人,而不是我能在卧室里给你做什么?”

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

这一夜什么都没发生,我只是睡觉。

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tied on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”

第二天,我决定请一天的假,并且陪她一天。 我们吃了一顿很不错的午餐,然后在一个非常大的商场里面购物。当她正在被几件非常贵的衣服吸引时,我走近了她。她难以从中选择一件,所以我告诉她,全买就好了。她想要新鞋子来配她的新衣服,所以我说:“咱们为每一件衣服都挑一双。”

 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

我们去了珠宝店,她在那选了一对钻石耳环。说实话,她兴奋极了,她一定觉得今天真是疯狂。我开始觉得她是在试探我,因为她要我给她买一个网球手环,而她却根本不会打网球。

 

Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:39 No.43O72517

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “that’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

我想当我对她说,“亲爱的,这都不是事儿”的时候她一定非常惊讶。她实在太过激动,都快高潮似的。她的笑容饱含兴奋的期许而她最终对我说:“这就是全部了,亲爱的,去结账吧。”

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

当我说到:“不,亲爱的,我不想这样的时候,我简直绷不住了。”

 

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

她面色惨白,目瞪口呆地说“啥?”

 

I then said. “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financia1 needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

我接着说道:“亲爱的,我就是想你把这些东西拿一会。你对我作为一个男人的经济需求毫不在意,只是满足你作为女人的购物欲望。”

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

我在她露出想要将我干掉的凶相的时候,我又补充道:“你为啥不能爱我这个人,而不是爱我为你买的东西呢?”

 

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

非常明显,我今晚又没得high,但是至少这个贱人明白,老子比她聪明得多。

 

 


 

4chan:4chan趣事两则

 

Fart

放屁记

 

Anonymous 09/1 7/1 2(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: >>3798046

 

>have to sleep at parents’ house

睡在父母家。

 

>have bedroom right next to parents’ bedroom

卧室和父母的卧室相邻

 

>only separated by a thin, wooden wall

只隔着一道薄薄的木头墙

 

>midnight

午夜

 

>can’t sleep

睡不着

 

>stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms

起身走向那道隔着两个卧室的墙

 

>press asscheeks against the wall

将屁股压在墙上

 

>the fart begins as a low murmur

开始放得屁好像轻声呢喃

 

>kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room

逐渐加速并将我的屁整个穿过墙,轰入另外一间卧室

 

>swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in

在我爸开门向里张望的瞬间快速跳入被子中

 

>thinks I’m still asleep

认为我仍然睡着了

 

>leaves

(父亲)离开

 

>jump up and violate the wall again

跳起并继续向墙施暴。

 

>the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my asshole practically drums against the wall

我的屁事如此的强劲,以至于我的菊花几乎都在直接敲打着墙壁。(我去,哥们你是把你的屁股完全扒开了吗?)

 

>hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again

听见我爸过来,再次装睡。

 

>run up to the wall when he’s gone

在他离开后继续向墙快速移动。

 

>asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust

屁股对着墙上的湿斑分开,并且准备释放另外一个原子弹。

 

>JC IT’S ABOMB

这是个炸弹!!!!

 

>suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion

突然,看见我爸跳入房间,正好在我脑补爆炸的时候。

 

>his face when

我爸的脸…… (就是上图中和善的微笑了。)

 


哪里都有绅(bian)士(tai)啊,话说哥们你真的没被你爸打死吗?


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Comments
已有 14 条评论 新浪微博
  1. 笑了!

    2016年6月21日 08:15来自移动端1 回复
  2. +1s

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
    当我说到:“不,亲爱的,我不想这样的时候,我简直绷不住了。”

    后引号的位置错了(也因此逗号用错了)

    2016年5月3日 07:451 回复
  3. CupcakeWOW

    這也太蠢XD

    2016年4月28日 22:571 回复
  4. 第一篇2333

    2016年4月28日 16:04来自新浪微博 回复
  5. kyo9112

    Abomb也有atomic bomb的意思,也就是说那个屁是原子弹级别的

    2016年4月28日 15:34来自iPhone 回复
  6. 我服第一篇

    2016年4月28日 14:27来自移动端1 回复
  7. 777

    第二篇是什么鬼

    2016年4月28日 12:48来自移动端 回复
  8. 脑残粉

    第一篇GJ

    2016年4月28日 10:14来自移动端 回复
  9. 第一篇表示厲害,花了一整天來婊女友啊這是

    2016年4月28日 08:44来自移动端 回复
  10. 匿名

    [笑cry]

    2016年4月27日 23:26 回复
  11. 777

    hhhhhhhhhh第2篇是什么神经病啦

    2016年4月27日 22:58 回复
  12. masakitenchi

    不行了第二篇wwwww

    2016年4月27日 22:23来自移动端 回复
  13. 111111

    我去,真是太精彩的两篇故事了!

    2016年4月27日 21:10 回复
  14. Graffiti

    [t怒]第一篇这个男主,简直太聪明啦!

    2016年4月27日 18:482 回复
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