Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:22 No.43O72491
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tied on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
Anonymous 1O/17/07(Wed) 12:46:39 No.43O72517
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “that’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
I then said. “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financia1 needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.
Anonymous 09/1 7/1 2(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: >>3798046
>have to sleep at parents’ house
>have bedroom right next to parents’ bedroom
>only separated by a thin, wooden wall
>stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms
>press asscheeks against the wall
>the fart begins as a low murmur
>kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room
>swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in
>thinks I’m still asleep
>jump up and violate the wall again
>the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my asshole practically drums against the wall
>hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again
>run up to the wall when he’s gone
>asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust
>JC IT’S ABOMB
>suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion
>his face when